Be Kind Rewind...

Be Kind Rewind sucked monkey balls...there wasnt a recently released movie that I
had this much anticipation for. I saw the trailers. Fucking Mos Def and Jack Black recreating
old school movies. Premise = Awesome. The movie is best though of like a great idea. Let's take eating. Eating is an awesome idea. As is drinking but thats another day (Go Beer!). Ok, So you're like eating yum yum oh man what a great idea. Now I can be alive and shit. But you fucked up. First, you had mashed potatoes and eggs for breakfast. Followed by a pre-lunch snack of dunkaroos (choc. fudge flavor obviously) and sunny delight (not the good one). By lunch, you already feel 20/10 and here comes your mother with a plate of red bean cassarole (potaje rocks). The pumpkin and ham hocks form a fucking awesome tag team of flavor (legion of doom obviously.) But its now 1:15. Your brother is taking a shit, another one taking a shower and you dad is brushing his teeth. The thought of racing up the stairs, moaning, while gripping your underbelly with the tips of your fingers trying to suppress the inevitable shit bomb that is to set for take off. That is how I would describe watching Be Kind Rewind...before it gets any good (i use good loosley) you're wondering why on earth did you eat those fucking dunkaroos? Cuz now your in a cluster of fucks that could have been prevented. Danny Glover is horrible. Yeah he's in the movie. With this fucking lispy accent speaking a remidial dialogue that mid-movie, has you glimpsing in the mirror asking yourself, What the fuck is going on here? Ditto for Mos Def. I thought the character in 16 Blocks was fucking annoying; What precious gift I was in store for here. I'm starting to think he is doing this on purpose. Jack Black has a few moments where his improv is great, but again the mirror just kept calling to me. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE? A jazz musician? What?!? None of that shit was in the trailer. Talk about judging a book by its cover. Well I learned my lesson. I would've rather paid upfront for sex and than realized the nice hooker's adams apple than the betrayl I was handed by this movie's premise (maybe). I don't know. It was definately a Chuck and Larry experience. You sit down thinking laughs are coming not a big gay PSA. So I guess that's my first movie review lol

On another note...
I ran 6 miles today. Yeah. Me...I did that shit. Seriously. My thighs feel like they've been rubbed down with coconut shells (the brown ones). Do skinny people chafe? I can't help but think if my thighs weren't so fucking...i'm just gonna use big, that maybe I wouldn't have to buy stock in
Johnson & Johnson's Baby powder division. Who uses the word talc? My mom always called the shit Talco (thats tal-co, for my colored brothers and sisters.) I told my sister (16) that we used to dump the shit all over the floor and slide up and down the floor in socks and she just asked me, Why? My response was that obviously she could never understand the tenacity and strategy needed to play Talc-Wars. Yes it was a full-contact sport. Try deep breathing after getting dockey kicked in the balls with a 1/2 inch of talc by your mouth. It gets rough.
Anyway...BTTSAH (Back to the story at hand)...So I'm fucking running...and power walking with weights on my arms, i know, why the fuck right? Cause get skinny or die trying is the motto bitch. Everybody needs a motto. Obama for change. Hillary for....wait what the fuck was her motto...Hillary cause you don't really want THEM in power, do you? That would've been hilarious. What does America think is gonna happen? It's like you have a big town meeting and somebody gets rowdy, stands up and shouts. I hear he's gon bring more of em' from A-frica! Followed by sharp groans and mumbling. I hear that he's gonna make it easier to get healthcare. You know what that means, more colored kids who are gonna grow up to be gangsters and rappers and fedEx workers. I didn't want to admit it, but I am a Lupe fan. That fucker just suckered me into listening and one session is all it takes. I think its because I take intelligence for granted, not because I'm immersed in it. But because it gets tiring being the only one who knows what the fuck is what. So yeah, Lupe is fucking ping poon ping. If it wasn't 3 am, I would get into the Joe Budden struggle, but I just can't risk getting that angry over something I could never change. Blogging is fun. K wants to get mentioned, and if you know me I'm all about people pleasing lol. So K is the greatest. Which isn't far from the truth but thats just my opinion.

So I'll leave you with two quotes (I'll be that guy.)

The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.
Friedrich Nietzsche, Ecce Homo...one I give constant usage.

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it.
Voltaire

If you get the chance..The Candide is a great read by Voltaire.
Til' next time, fuck you and die slow.

-DB