This ain't a song for the broken-hearteddddd

its my lifeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...its now or neverrrrrrrrrrr...I aint gonna live foreverrrrrr....is it me or does that promo for the bon jovi documentary/concert thing play every 8 minutes on showtime? I really don't have much to talk about anymore....ive become a pretty plain guy...LMFAO...just saying that outloud was pathetically unbelievable....I met my future ex, Blake Lively at my boys new hotspot restaurant/ping pong club...yeah i know lol...she was breath-taking to say the least....and as always i was as charming as fairy book white horse riding princes' get....so yes...I did basically assault her while spouting out compliments...WHICH SHE RETURNED...and i agreed to (my crimson leather jacket was tough)....been having so much fun lately....its hard to get back on the gym horse....i mean im not bragging but it seems when im getting to feel lonely and even desperate a slew of great (albiet; damaged, drug-using, determined, emotionally desolate, and oh yeah, taken) women spring from out of the wood work like cocoa puff seeking children...i did say they were great though...didnt i?....which brings me to my....hrmmm...what word do i use?...naughty but not sinister...morally questionable but not malicious....lets go with endeavors lol....I like women....i love good women....and i go fucking batshit for great women....they seemlessly mix looks with intellect, personality...they too are charming and sweet....and did something to peak my interest...where does the "problem" lie?....these women are usually friends of friends....and with friends comes....history....I keep quoting Vonnegut, which at a lecture, told these writers that we actually strive for these uber-dramatic lives that we see/watch/read in others/books/movies....and i would love to say i do it on purpose to hurt people but then again, you would have to be pretty dumb to think that you're actually that important in another persons life...perfect example...one im not prouf of...last night my brother and I visit white castle....the time is 5:37am and we only have 20 bucks....we order 28 bucks worth of shit...which is exactly what it is....we pull up to the window and i shamelessly flirt with the cashier of said drivethru....mature 40-ish latin women, brunette, hips, lips and big eyes....after the up and down, we take some things off (not clothes, this isnt cinemax or porn) of the food list and i pay...i give my apologies while taking the food from her...theres a pause...long eye contact....she winks, so i do too lol...i laugh and drive off knowing full well that I coulda been hitting that FA-SHO...my point is that she is somebodies' mother, aunt, cleaning lady lol....and i cant see how or why that would bother someone im not withhhhh....so when i meet GREAT or just good women and they spark my interest....why am i wrong in wanting to pursue them?....its all that grey area talk....oh no i know your not mine but you know i have feelings....oh no i said you could sleep with anybody...just not her.....oh no you shouldnt like her, we're best friends....please....isnt it more because you fear how you would feel if we found happiness together?...a happiness i couldnt or didnt find with you?....isnt that the real issue?....jealousy?...im not turning it on you, but i meet people all the time....and pretty or not, im not hitting on or am attracted to everybody i meet....so what it does it boil down to?....if i wanted to try to find the ever elusive happiness with someone who i met through someone that it didnt work out with, i think i should be able to pursue it?...and not just me....i think we all should....i had this girl friend....everybody wanted to get that....we broke up and i could clearly see that my boys' had interest...this bothered me....guy-code and shit...now i realize that its bullshit...i grew up and now see that its hard enough finding somebody to love....we're now making that field even smaller by adding these grey area rules?....honestly, what the fuck did i do to make anyone care for me that much?....or should i say, hate me that much?....lets all be happy....lets all find somebody to hold (its getting fucking cold lately)....idk, i go over it again and again and if you are honest with yourself, you'll see it too....maybe i have no shot with these women, but thats my fucking choice....i will always go after someone who i might be able to get and go home alone....then keep coming home to someone who is afraid to and therefore settles for the likes of me...think about that shit...ill leave you with a song, which i am actually singing (good thing for you, trust me)

ITS 4 AM AND I CANT SLEEP
ITS 4 AM AND I CANT SLEEP
HER LOVE IS ALL THAT I CAN SEE
HER LOVE IS ALL THAT I CAN SEE
MEMORIES MADE IN THE COLDEST WINTERRRRRRRRRRR

-DB the fucking "fill in the blank"

ev-er-y day a star is bornnnnn...clap for em' clap for em'

LEAVE ME, LEAVE ME...I FUCKING CANT STAND YOU/ WISH I HAD THE COURAGE TO SAY EVERYTHING I PLANNED TO/ MY GIRLFRIEND! MY GIRLFRIEND?!?...CALL HERSELF MY GIRLFRIEND, TELL ME THAT WE 'POSED TO BE TOGETHER TIL THE WORLD ENDS...wait, i hope im not coming off like im love-starved...its just a good song...which brings me to the reason for my revival...the blog is god, and i am his calf, Jesus Christ...back to my narcissism...ummm....the previous months have been great...problems, setbacks, strange occurances were expected...thats what happens when you dont trust anyone and everything is seen as possible...rain pour made up solely of meatballs? easy breezy....dick dying 2 min. into a romp (i did say strange occurances lol)...but things happens love, and its on to the next dot dot dot...and i do mean that....i truely believe that life is a group of moments...no set amounts including the moments themselves and the time you have on this earth to fulfill (or in my case, leave un-fulfilled)...on to the next job, woman, feeling...i've fallen in what feels like love twice this week alone...im not like normal people, my imagination is perverse and just....amazing LOL...men can see themselves fucking or being fucked by a woman ten seconds after they enter the room...thats just a warm up for me...answer the where? in a supermarket, library, beach, balcony of the white house....fucking lame...and sadly un-creative....i see time of day, breezes, clothes, moods, history, positions and i dare say ETC....i used to think i was just weird...but now its a gift...now i see why writing this movie is coming along easily...because i envision it to the T, and with rigorous typing...put it on paper....ahhhh thought processes and such, i mean i go back to not being exceptionally great looking...look at my friend, also had aspirations of being an actor, (no homo) but the nigga is gorgeous....but other then melrose place...he isnt gonna get shit....just because he doesnt have what i know i do....IT!!!!...everybody sees it....they hate it, love it, want to casually fuck it, but they acknowledge its presence...and as hard as it is to believe, i actually believe in myself even more now....so on with the weight loss, dentist appts....shit i might even pick up a drug habit....RIP Heath Ledger....so onward...onward!!!...cause if you aint moving up, you aint moving...PERIOD!!!...shit, listening to enough Drake to fill a yacht....friends (using the term loosely), stay focused...stop caring about others more then yourselves....i dont want all of you to succeed...well maybe all of you but after me...like I before C...like...i got nothing lol....just be happy....and dare i say, seek it out...look for it...have a plan and then abandon that plan and then pick up another one....mr. right isnt out there...well the truth is i dont know if he is...cause i aint looking for the fucker...but why rest you hopes on him...idk just a thought, and with all of this good tv on, why are people still watching HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS, THE WEDDING DATE, LOVE AND BASKETBALL...the first two are decent but shit...let me tell you....i have an ex that had L and B over 10 different times (dvd and vhs) and will still drop everything and watch it to this day....sad, idk...weird...fucking yes....i dont have anything else for ya'll for now...just caught a spark (and a email from Ms. Anonymity, herself)...felt like contradicting myself and saving a few of you losers...before i takeover the brakes over nigga and imma keep killing em until the day that Dee's overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


-DBBBbbb ;)