Get a life...

You know what happened on my way to work today? I, DB, was fucking left speechless...It was a single phrase that left me completely baffled...No retort...Nothing...As I approached the toll booth for the Lincoln tunnel, I realized that I had a 5, 2 singles and a 100 dollar bill...Obviously, the toll is 8 dollars because the PA (port authority) hates me...So I pull up behind a bus and quickly draw 1 dollar from my change bank (middle cupholders)...I thought I was being polite...I mean, who wants to give up 92 dollars from there drawer?...So I hand the guy the 7 bucks and apologize for the inconvinience as I hand him the 4 nickels and 8 dimes...When he is done counting, I say, "Have a nice day, boss." Do you know what this motherfucker said to me...This old white acne having ass cocksucker says, "Get a Life." Doesn't look up. I say, "what?" Son of a bitch cocksmoker mumbles again, "Get a Life.":::::::::::crickets::::::::::::::What the fuck was that about? Get a Life? Are you fucking kidding me? Motherfucker, do you know you are a toll booth attendant? Do you know you are in the same league as the fuckers who rip your movie tickets in half and direct you to your theater? (2? Ok, theater 5...thats all the way in the back to your left.) I'd rather you spit in my face, call my relatives all sorts of shit and threaten to kick my ass....Dont fool me with trickery....So fuck you toll booth guy...Next time I see you, I'mma gonna look you right in the eye and ask you one simple question...How commited are you to cucumbers?

fyds...futbg (fuck you toll booth guy)...tybd (thank you Big Du)

-DB

New idea

You know some people have told me that I give great advice...i know i know...it sounds insane but I'd like to prove it...from now on, I want you (the poor pathetic) reader to ask me for help. I want to help you...its that whole humanitarian side to me...So email me with your problems @ ddf201@gmail.com. Nothing is out of bounds....no dilemma is too big and anonymity is paramount. if I see that no one is asking me questions, I'll just forget I bothered to care about you demented cupcakes and leave you to your own destruction...I think I reached one lucky person today who seemed like she needed someone to focus on her (for a change).

Well hope to hear from you...wait...oh before I forget...pass this blog on to your friends...lets see how big we can make this...maybe if we get enough people we can cure aids or get me a blow j...whichever makes no difference to me...

-DB

Sup guys...

What a turbulent couple of weeks...Sorry for neglecting you, but we have lots to talk about and I dont feel the need to apologize, it's not like you people realy exist....alright...where do we start? Hookers...I now look at them differently...Can you blame them?...If I knew I was gonna make a sick tax free salary for pleasing women all over the country/world, I would be on the first plane to missouri with a trunk full of condoms and newly bought stocks options in the KY company...Which in turn means that I look at sex differently...regardless of what anyone who thinks they know me might say...I believe sex with the one you love to be something sacred, beautiful and worth cherishing...sex with anybody else though...should just be fun, uninhibited and quick...just like ::::drum roll::::: your paying for it lol....you noticed I left off safe...sax should never be safe...before you condemn me, hear me out....Bungie jumping, Speed racing, Russian Roulette...All very fun and none very safe...Should you use condoms?...If you want to...they don't promise you that life is gonna be easier...or that you are protected from anything...you see I believe in that %1 percent chance is too fucking much anyway clause...You meet someone...you fall in love...you go over there place...you kiss...you look into there eyes while you unzip you jeans...unbutton your blouse and....remember that its your duty to inform this poor idiot that you have genital warts...but...havent had an outbreak in months...thank you Valtrex...fucking people in those commercials...if i knew i'd be that happy running along a beach at sunset, I would purpose contract every disease the free world had to offer...shit I'd probably fuck the outbreak monkey...but no...im just a disease free asshole who's had one too many close calls, who hates swimming in the ocean cause I dont want to get my fucking leg bitten off by a shark...So please don't judge hookers...Some of them are mad cool...they just didnt get the whole school thing...or maybe they are just better at sex than you are, and you cant stand it...imagine how many partners they've had? the knowledge that they could be passing on to everyone else...but they aren't because Uncle Sam has them casted out....forced to walk lonely roads in fishnets fishing for fuck buddys for more than minimum wage...Whores are like interactive libraries on everything from starting your own business to the proper cowgirl position etiquette...pussy is boss...you know it...i know it...the bad part is that some pussy doesnt know it...you see there are 3 types of pussy....the ones who have it, the ones who don't and the half and halfs...let's start with the ones who have it...good pussy...hard to find, hard to keep...good pussy might be on a good looking woman...on an ugly broad its a plus, cause they are just grateful for anybody who wants them...good looking chicks with good pussy is like holy grail hard to find...because frankly speaking i've been with some really good looking chicks ;)...and the pussy was mostly wack...good pussy doesnt equal good sex so be weary...concieted bitches more times than none have wack pussy...i dont know maybe its the salivary gland behind the uterus being linked to your brain which causes wack pussy/sex if your a concieted bitch...something like a metaphorical balance tipper who's gavel of justice causes dry vag, enthusiasim depletion and roast beef curtains...but than there are the half and halfs...I love you guys...seriously...bodies an 8...face a 6...pussy is a 29...when you border pretty and awesome the pendulum of the Vagina Gods swings its big dick on you twice...i haven't been with the entire female population...but i would...i would do it for you guys...you the lonely chipped tooth cant put off the baby weight chosen few who were blessed with great goods and have been passed over for the size 0 wearing ding dongs who just happen to have perfect tits and a mean walk...i live for you...


on another note...
My brother from North Carolina is coming up...So we decide to buy Yankee tickets....Last season and all...225 a pop...i know what you're thinking...and yes i would have rather gotten a hooker but he was dying to go and all...so after recieving the tickets, i look at the fucking price tag...25 bucks...this motherfucking ass-clown made off with 175 of my hard earned dollars...to whoever you are at ticketcity.com...fuck you sir...i hope your family buries you this year...if they can put you back together...godamn you...you motherfucking dickface shitfuck...ahhhh...they haven't built a bus bigger then the one i wish to fall from the sky and land on you...on you, you hijo de la gran puta...i bet your mothers cunt is still burning from when she had your malevolent ass...you sack of shit flakes...i wish you would die in the desert sucking the sperm from a camel....how's it taste?...you bastard...die jerk off...just...die.


Ok, I'm back....I'm making this entry a little longer for you guys...for the ones who care...and for the ones who don't...quick run down time...my top tmobile 5's...yeah bullshit...some glitch now only gives me 4...i'm thinking of suing them...pools rock...gin and tonics and mojitos pwn...ginger beer is not ginger ale...read bottles carefully....jamicans have balls of Oden for drinking that hot shit...you could probably run a Ford Focus on a liter of that liquid...its like the devil's urine i tell you...My family comes back today...I've had the house to myself for 8 days and it felt great...I bet you now the hooker anecdote makes more sense...so 8 days and minus 2000 dollars, and I feel bloated...my diet went to shit...i have the resilience of a hamster....it just sucks when drinking becomes a problem...i love drinking...and it loves me...why can't we be?....Burgers pwn...had a sick on yesterday in hoboken...on a fucking english muffin...the shit was huge...with a Y...thats pronounced Yuuuj...Went to a pub a few days ago...killed it...my little brother's first time out...motherfucker is 23...damn Anti Social Personality Disorder...on the dancing tip...come on man...im like fucking Ozone from Breakin' 2 -Electric Bugaloo...if you haven't seen that movie you are a fucking moron or you probably work at Ticketcity.com...ABDC fell off...didnt even watch it after fanny pak got the boot...they were the best on there but they never broke dance...thats why they lose...they always pick the most well rounded crew...thats why kaba modern lost...thats why fanny pak lost...and jabbawockeez and super crew won...jabba yes...super crew deserves 2nd place...they are nice but nigga...no...not that nice...imma go eat some potaje..and visit a friend with ovaries in her cysts...or something like that lol


til next time...FYDS, Im Outtie 5000

-D "motherfucker to the max" B